Za sklem se l\u00edn\u011b ot\u00e1\u010d\u00ed n\u00e1dobka instantn\u00edho j\u00eddla. Za\u0161l\u00e1 mikrovlnn\u00e1 trouba hu\u010d\u00ed, s\u00edpe, fun\u00ed a hodnoty zelen\u00fdch cifer na \u010dasova\u010di pomalu klesaj\u00ed. Ze \u010dty\u0159 minut se st\u00e1vaj\u00ed t\u0159i minuty a t\u0159icet vte\u0159in. \u017dlut\u00e9, \u010dtvercovit\u00e9 sv\u011btlo z\u00e1\u0159\u00ed nap\u0159\u00ed\u010d celou pohaslou kuchyn\u00ed. Z n\u011bjak\u00e9ho d\u016fvodu mi p\u0159ipom\u00edn\u00e1 oslniv\u00e9 ku\u017eely, kter\u00e9 ze sebe chrl\u00ed pob\u0159e\u017en\u00ed maj\u00e1ky uprost\u0159ed temn\u00e9 noci. Neobt\u011b\u017euju se rozsv\u011bcovat. Nem\u00e1 smysl pl\u00fdtvat energi\u00ed, nav\u00edc u\u017e n\u011bkolik m\u011bs\u00edc\u016f bojuju s n\u00e1jmem. Ani kupu \u0161pinav\u00e9ho n\u00e1dob\u00ed nama\u010dkanou ve d\u0159ezu pod mikrovlnkou nem\u00e1 smysl um\u00fdvat. Za okny poletuj\u00ed kulat\u00e9 sn\u011bhov\u00e9 vlo\u010dky, v\u016fbec prvn\u00ed za cel\u00fd prosinec, a to se m\u00e1 za p\u00e1r dn\u00ed p\u0159eklenout do ledna.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
V koupeln\u011b sy\u010d\u00ed voda. St\u00e9k\u00e1 po st\u011bn\u011b vany, zur\u010d\u00ed, nen\u00e1padn\u011b se kup\u00ed a sv\u00fdm vlhk\u00fdm teplem se jako \u00faponky rostliny plaz\u00ed kachli\u010dkami a\u017e ke stropu. C\u00edt\u00edm \u00fazkost. St\u011bny m\u011b sv\u00edraj\u00ed, nakl\u00e1n\u00ed se nade mnou, a j\u00e1 hloup\u011b, t\u00e9m\u011b\u0159 otup\u011ble stoj\u00edm uprost\u0159ed koupelny a bezdu\u0161e p\u0159e\u0161lapuji z jedn\u00e9 nohy na druhou. \u0160lapky pleskaj\u00ed o chladnou zemi a podivn\u011b dopl\u0148uj\u00ed ne\u00fanavn\u00fd tok vody. Jsem nerv\u00f3zn\u00ed. Asi jako herec, kter\u00fd m\u00e1 poprv\u00e9 v \u017eivot\u011b vstoupit na jevi\u0161t\u011b. Zklam\u00e1n\u00ed, kter\u00e9 se dne\u0161n\u00ed r\u00e1no ujalo m\u00e9ho sv\u011bta, dosud neode\u0161lo. Uhn\u00edzdilo se ve mn\u011b, rozt\u00e1lo ve vnit\u0159nostech a jaksi se rozpadlo do krve. Po cel\u00fd den hled\u00e1m ta prav\u00e1 slova, kter\u00e1 by onen s\u017e\u00edrav\u00fd pocit dok\u00e1zala popsat, ale ona mi ne a ne p\u0159ij\u00edt na mysl. Tak jednoduch\u00e9 to zkr\u00e1tka nen\u00ed. Bylo by sm\u011b\u0161n\u00e9, kdyby ano. Co se mi d\u011bje, je a\u017e p\u0159\u00edli\u0161 rozs\u00e1hl\u00e9, hranice m\u00e9ho tr\u00e1pen\u00ed neznaj\u00ed konce, a\u010dkoliv je hled\u00e1m a v sam\u00e9m vy\u010derp\u00e1n\u00ed na n\u011b cen\u00edm zuby, skoro jako loveck\u00fd pes s pr\u00e1zdn\u00fdm \u017ealudkem, \u017ealudkem, co vypl\u00e1chnul pr\u00e1v\u011b tento zbyte\u010dn\u00fd den. Jak moc tou\u017e\u00edm po jeho vymaz\u00e1n\u00ed. Jak moc tou\u017e\u00edm, aby ho kalend\u00e1\u0159e p\u0159eskakovaly a lid\u00e9 na n\u011bj zapomn\u011bli! Kdy\u017e tohle v duchu pronesu, kone\u010dn\u011b se na l\u00edc\u00edch objev\u00ed slzy. Mikrovlnn\u00e1 trouba z nedalek\u00e9 noc\u00ed ukraden\u00e9 kuchyn\u011b st\u00e1le hu\u010d\u00ed ztichl\u00fdm bytem. Chv\u00edli j\u00ed naslouch\u00e1m. Promnu si ramena, ztuhl\u00fd z\u00e1tylek, p\u0159edlokt\u00ed, nakonec z\u00e1p\u011bst\u00ed, a vypnu vodu. Hladina se asi deset centimetr\u016f pod opr\u00fdskan\u00fdm okrajem vany nevinn\u011b t\u0159pyt\u00ed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Shl\u00e9dnu sv\u00e9 nah\u00e9 t\u011blo, kter\u00e9 m\u00e1 za okam\u017eik poz\u0159\u00edt vrouc\u00ed voda. Naposledy se pod\u00edv\u00e1m na telefon, jestli n\u011bkdo nep\u00ed\u0161e. Jakmile o\u010dima spo\u010dinu na pr\u00e1zdn\u00e9m displeji, sklon\u00edm hlavu, nahrb\u00edm se a ne- ch\u00e1m t\u00edhu na hrudn\u00edm ko\u0161i, aby se do n\u011bj propadla. Po kr\u00e1tk\u00e9m tichu zaslechnu \u017eblu\u0148knut\u00ed, tedy aspo\u0148 si to mysl\u00edm, nev\u00edm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
V \u00fatrob\u00e1ch se mi krout\u00ed hadi. \u0160upinami se ot\u00edraj\u00ed o tk\u00e1n\u011b a sy\u010d\u00edc\u00edmi jazyky plod\u00ed jed, jen\u017e propaluje st\u0159eva a vyl\u00e9v\u00e1 jejich obsah do pr\u00e1zdn\u00e9ho b\u0159icha. Pl\u00e1\u010du. V\u00ed\u010dka nezvl\u00e1daj\u00ed ten p\u0159\u00edval ne\u0161t\u011bst\u00ed, kter\u00fd dne\u0161ek zavinil. \u0158asy se k sob\u011b lep\u00ed, \u00fasta se otv\u00edraj\u00ed v n\u011bm\u00fdch stenech. Prsty se t\u0159esou tak siln\u011b, \u017ee z nich zakr\u00e1tko vypadne mobil. Pazvuk n\u00e1razu. Mo\u017en\u00e1 se rozbilo sklo, t\u0159eba vyl\u00e9tl kryt. Nekouk\u00e1m se tam. M\u00edsto toho zasn\u011bn\u011b hled\u00edm na pr\u016fzra\u010dn\u00e9 p\u00e1ry, co voln\u011b stoupaj\u00ed z vany. Linou se podobn\u011b, jako se line mlha, kterou n\u011bkdo roz\u0159ezal na tis\u00edc kus\u016f.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kdy\u017e se \u0161pi\u010dkou nohy dotknu vody, syknu a ihned ucuknu. Je to p\u0159\u00edli\u0161 hork\u00e9, byla to chyba, krucin\u00e1l, snad kdyby byla o n\u011bco studen\u011bj\u0161\u00ed, ale ne p\u0159\u00edli\u0161, ne, to je pitomost. Zatnu zuby, svaly, sklapnu \u010delisti, zav\u0159u o\u010di. N\u00e1rt, patu, l\u00fdtka pohlcuje \u017e\u00e1r, poko\u017eka rudne, nevzd\u00e1v\u00e1m se. Slzy k\u0159i\u017euj\u00ed tv\u00e1\u0159e a kanouce do vany miz\u00ed ve vod\u011b, spl\u00fdvaj\u00ed s n\u00ed a ztr\u00e1c\u00ed na v\u00fdznamu. M\u00e9 vlastn\u00ed slzy ztr\u00e1c\u00ed na v\u00fdznamu. Kdy\u017e si to uv\u011bdom\u00edm, rozpl\u00e1\u010du se je\u0161t\u011b v\u00edce. Vlasy mi padaj\u00ed do o\u010d\u00ed, j\u00e1 je nech\u00e1v\u00e1m, ramena se m\u00edhaj\u00ed dop\u0159edu a dozadu, j\u00e1 je nech\u00e1v\u00e1m, nohy pono\u0159en\u00e9 po kolena cht\u011bj\u00ed ven, j\u00e1 jim to nedovoluji, chci vypadnout, zhasnout sv\u011btlo nad sebou, sn\u00edst si j\u00eddlo, j\u00e1 se p\u0159emlouv\u00e1m, a\u0165 to dokon\u010d\u00edm. V hlav\u011b koluj\u00ed obrazy m\u00e9 ml\u010d\u00edc\u00ed matky, b\u00fdval\u00fdch spolu\u017e\u00e1k\u016f se za\u0161it\u00fdmi \u00fasty, koleg\u016f s odvr\u00e1cen\u00fdmi pohledy, p\u0159\u00e1tel, jejich\u017e o\u010di probod\u00e1vaj\u00ed zemi. V\u0161ichni zapomn\u011bli. Stejn\u011b jako j\u00e1 brzy zapomenu na ty slzy, co pluj\u00ed oce\u00e1nem. T\u011blo kone\u010dn\u011b p\u0159ijme v\u0159elost vody. C\u00edt\u00edm, \u017ee i kdyby se te\u010f pokusilo vst\u00e1t, nepohlo by se ani o p\u00ed\u010f. M\u00e1m pocit, \u017ee m\u011b zalil pr\u016fzra\u010dn\u00fd beton. A z jeho hladiny \u010douh\u00e1 jen krk a hlava. Up\u0159u o\u010di na mal\u00fd bly\u0161tiv\u00fd p\u0159edm\u011bt. Vrhaje ve sv\u011btle z\u00e1\u0159ivky odlesky, bezhlasn\u011b na m\u011b \u0161ept\u00e1 a bez jedin\u00e9ho slova t\u011blo mi lept\u00e1. Nem\u00e1m kam ut\u00e9ct.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
P\u0159evaluju \u017eiletku v rukou, u\u017e ani po\u0159\u00e1dn\u011b neuva\u017euju. \u010cirou vodu protne rozmazan\u00e1 krev. Kol\u00eds\u00e1 prostorem, stoup\u00e1, kles\u00e1.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Naraz\u00ed na ni m\u00e9 slzy? A kdy\u017e ano, zrudnou a z\u00edskaj\u00ed nov\u00fd tvar?Budou vypadat jako mal\u00e9 \u010derven\u00e9 rybky, kter\u00e9 kolem chladnouc\u00edho t\u011bla zamrskaj\u00ed ocasem a napr\u00e1zdno otev\u0159ou tlamy? Na okam\u017eik se napln\u00edm nad\u011bj\u00ed, ale pot\u00e9 mi dojde, pro\u010d to vlastn\u011b d\u011bl\u00e1m. Pro\u010d te\u010f le\u017e\u00edm ve van\u011b a pozoruji, jak m\u011b opou\u0161t\u00ed \u017eivot. Dnes m\u00e1m narozeniny. Dnes m\u00e1m narozeniny a nikdo mi nepop\u0159\u00e1l.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nem\u011bnn\u00e9 hu\u010den\u00ed prostupuj\u00edc\u00ed bytem utichne a z kuchyn\u011b se ozve cinknut\u00ed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Text byl publikov\u00e1n v \u010dasopise Ateli\u00e9r 205 (\u010d. 4, 2020).<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Za sklem se l\u00edn\u011b ot\u00e1\u010d\u00ed n\u00e1dobka instantn\u00edho j\u00eddla. Za\u0161l\u00e1 mikrovlnn\u00e1 trouba hu\u010d\u00ed, s\u00edpe, fun\u00ed a hodnoty zelen\u00fdch cifer na \u010dasova\u010di pomalu klesaj\u00ed. Ze \u010dty\u0159 minut se st\u00e1vaj\u00ed t\u0159i minuty a t\u0159icet vte\u0159in. \u017dlut\u00e9, \u010dtvercovit\u00e9 sv\u011btlo z\u00e1\u0159\u00ed nap\u0159\u00ed\u010d celou pohaslou kuchyn\u00ed. Z n\u011bjak\u00e9ho d\u016fvodu mi p\u0159ipom\u00edn\u00e1 oslniv\u00e9 ku\u017eely, kter\u00e9 ze sebe chrl\u00ed pob\u0159e\u017en\u00ed maj\u00e1ky uprost\u0159ed temn\u00e9 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":6512,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[24],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6511","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-texty"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/rtds.jamu.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6511","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/rtds.jamu.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/rtds.jamu.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rtds.jamu.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rtds.jamu.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6511"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/rtds.jamu.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6511\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6513,"href":"https:\/\/rtds.jamu.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6511\/revisions\/6513"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rtds.jamu.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/6512"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/rtds.jamu.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6511"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rtds.jamu.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6511"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/rtds.jamu.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6511"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}